Agent Mehdi to Ground Control

What with the stock market flailing, it seems natural to want to take a fantastic voyage to somewhere, anywhere but here (and by “here,” I mean wherever you are right now). Inspired by the words of the great sage Tina Fey — “If Sarah Palin wins, I’m leaving Earth!” — I am presenting an intergalactic tour of… Providence? And Plano? Mars is closer than you think, so start planning your exit strategies accordingly.

Wacky firm Dupoux Design has just completed the interior of the newly opened Nylo Hotel in Providence. After months of pouring over cozy home pictures, the Nylo strikes me as… Kooky. Sharp. And maybe a little menacing in terms of scale and finish. On the other hand, if we’re running away, why not boldly go where no man has gone before? (I mean seriously… when I try to imagine Hunny Bunny sitting on that tufted aqua banquette, I get the giggles.)

Lucky for us, on Mars they still serve Vodka, which is a required prong in my multipronged strategic plan to exit with style. Stay with me… I’m sure I’ll figure out what the other prongs are soon enough.

If you’re nearer to Texas than Rhode Island, you can always flee to The Big D, where suburban Plano awaits with another Nylo designed to keep you in suspended animation.

Ok… I’m not going to lie. I want that chair. Badly.

Somehow, though, I find it hard to believe that those chairs actually foster conversation. Isn’t the point of a pod to isolate and seclude? And then HAL the hotel computer would have you right where he wants you…

Part of my multipronged strategy is NOT to get killed by a malignant super computer. If I wanted that, I would just stay and let Sarracuda finish me off.

Well, the restaurant, at least, looks more hospitable…

Kind of like a mess hall, but the company of strangers would be a welcome addition to our intergalactic colony of fascinating people, where we would enjoy conversations about the formation of a utopian society based on visual hedonism.

After dinner we would retire to discuss the necessities of subsisting with style, including Vodka, gossip, and the importance of good lighting.

Then we would say good evening and head for our respective rooms:

I’ll be taking the top one as a finder’s fee for organizing our Utopian colony. What’s that, you say? We’re a democracy? Part of my multipronged strategy calls for a benevolent dictatorship. That’s not a problem, is it?

Don’t make me torture you by forcing you to stand in front of this mirror, under these lights, without makeup.

I thought you’d see it my way.